Yesterday evening after the shower I had some urges and, unfortunately, I could not help "peeking". I did not watch P exactly, but I looked at galleries of pretty girls in minimal clothing, which probably activates the same brain circuits and gave my brain the fix it was looking for. I also quickly peeked at some hardcore stuff that I have on the computer. Although I quit before anything really happened, that was probably not good for my recovery. The quest of no PMO is still solid on the MO part, but the P part is shaking, which is really unfortunate.
Luckily I got to read some testimonials later in the evening and got convinced that the happiness of last two weeks is not a coincidence. I really feel more confident, social and good-looking, which is contributing to the new birth of my social life. Of course, there is still a long way to go. My libido is not that strong, the strong morning reaction I had one morning has not returned and I still have not dreamed of being with real girls. So it is probably for the best that I have no girlfriend at the moment, and things should stay that way for at least a month or so.
I haven't set a clear goal of how far I want to go, and I still won't. I just feel too weak for that. I'm also a little worried about the possibility encountering the chaser effect in case I relapse. I just need to make up my mind that I won't relapse. I refuse to.
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